Leaving On A Jet Plane...?

 

So you've booked the holiday, got all of the hotels and car hires sorted, paid a ridiculous amount for a tiny little seat on a plane (Preferably one that won't experience any sudden holes) and are ready to head off.

First timer? Experienced traveler? Does it matter?

Some people say they enjoy flying, some have a fear or it and some could care less either way - I'm of the latter. (But the fact that I can't have a cigarette for a number of hours is a bit of a downer!)

Regardless of your experience or your comfort with planes, there are a few things that can make that long-haul flight just a little better.

- Take socks. Planes are cold.

- You're probably going to get stuck next to the annoying people that you heard while you were lining up to check in. This is the point where it's great to have some kind of personal music device. And a book.

- Always pack a spare set of clothes in your on-board luggage. You hear stories of suitcases going in one direction while you go in the other and the last thing you need is to land in a strange country, jetlagged as anything, and find you've only got one pair of undies to your name.

- Flesh bags are your friend. Who wants to leave X amount of hundreds in their wallet?

- No matter the airline, no matter the destination, be prepared for the fact that the food will more than likely suck. If it doesn't suck, it will probably contain at least one thing that you don't want to touch with a ten foot barge pole.

- Pressure socks are great - and they help prevent deep vein thrombosis.

- When you check in, don't be afraid to ask for the seat you want. I like the window seat, personally, because I can curl up and sleep.

- On the note of checking in, patience is a virtue. And get there in plenty of time. There's nothing worse than fearing that you're going to miss the plane. They won't wait forever.

- Take a watch. If you sleep, you'll want to know how long you were out for and there's only so many times you can ask the person next to you.

- I always have chewing gum and some sweets to suck on.

- Take an eyemask. Not every airline supplies them and they're blessed for sleeping.

- If you wear glasses, take a glasses case.

- If you've got one of those generic black suitcases, plaster it with ribbons and stickers and key rings so it's easier to find on the luggage carousel.

- If you get the chance, take a picture out of the window of the plane. I've seen some amazing sights. (Like the picture accompanying this article.)

- Don't argue with the Airport Guys. Ever. They have guns and the authority to shoot you simply for being a nob. Just don't do it. (Especially if you're going to argue about something trivial - like them wanting to confiscate hairspray. Yep, it's happened to someone I know and she argued - but didn't get shot.)

Once you're actually at your destination, the advice I offer varies, depending on the country.

- Flying through America? Be prepared for the Spanish inquisition, a retina scan, fingerprinting, and more questions than you really want to answer when faced with a big burly border security man with a gun and a bad attitude. (It's even worse if, like me, you're bawling like a baby from the goodbye you just said!)

- Flying through New York? The airport has its own train, that's how big it is. Double, triple and quadruple check that you're at the right Terminal/Gate. (I wasn't. Even after asking three different staff members I only made it to my flight with about three minutes until boarding!)

- Headed to Portugal? Longest line I've ever been in - also had the most disinterested person checking my passport. And be prepared for the fact that smoking is allowed in the airport.

- Heathrow? They're the most helpful, I've found. But they can also be the most stupid. Sadly, Heathrow is also a maze all on its own and there's no cheese waiting for you at the end.

- Canada? They met us at the door, as we stepped off the plan, with very large guns. I thought they liked Aussies! (In all fairness, I had flown from the UK, so...)

- Australia? Ironically they have, for me, been both the best and worst airport to fly into. I've had the most wonderful people in the world help me and I've had the biggest nobs. But that's Australia for you - Wonderful one second, nobbish the next.

One other thing I like to do with international holidays is tell myself that anything bad that happens can become a great travel story.

Have you found yourself in the Red Light District of Paris at 7am on a Saturday after traveling for twelve hours to get there and you're not sure how to get out of the seedy streets? Travel story!

Arrived after a twenty hour flight and stood at the luggage carousel almost wetting yourself because your suitcase is the very last one to come off the plane? Travel story!

Stuck in a country where you know three words of their language, you're completely lost and you can't find anyone that speaks your tongue? Travel story!

Broken a suitcase and needed to spend your last of that countries' currency on super glue? Travel story!

Arrived home to find a television crew filming at the airport and you're wearing pants that say "ROOTS" across the backside? Travel story!

Why not, right?

When traveling internationally, the important thing to remember is; Have fun, stay safe and take more pictures then you'll ever need. And, yes, all of those 'travel stories' have happened to me!

Anyone else got any tips to share?