Manners, They Are Your Friend; Politeness Will Get You Everywhere

It's the most common thing in the world to be taught, right? Your parents (in theory) will spend the first decade of your life constantly reminding you to use manners. They cost you nothing and will get you everywhere.

The last thing anyone wants is to be thought of as "That nob I saw today who..."

Worse, you could be the unlucky nob that annoys the wrong person and ends up on the internet.

So, here are my top ten manners-related reminders that should, hopefully, keep you from being the next Human Times article.

- 'Please' is a word that should be used often. This word is not replaced by anything. You either say please and be polite, or you don't. No substituting.

- 'Thank you' is the appropriate response if I do something for you.

- You sneeze. When I say 'Bless you', the correct response would be 'Thank you.' See how that works? Now, I don't give two hoots if you're religious or not. For the record, I'm the furthest thing from religious that you can imagine. But it's polite and I do it out of habit and I expect a little acknowledgement for this.

- There are going to be times when I'm in your way, either knowingly or not. There are going to be times when you need to interrupt my conversation to ask me something. The words are 'excuse me.' Any other words will get you ignored. Sighing and rolling your eyes will get you mocked. (Unless I'm intentionally blocking the doorway. All bets are off, then.)

- Chew with your mouth closed. Really. No one wants to see your half-masticated food rolling around in there. Unless you're intentionally doing an impersonation of Mr. Ed, in which case, carry on. (My father used to tap me on the chin with his fork to get me out of the habit, when I was a kid - I don't think I've ever told him how thankful I am for it.)

- You have an indoor voice and an outdoor voice. Use the appropriate one at the appropriate times.

- Smile. When you lock eyes with someone, smile. When someone is nice, smile. When someone serves you or helps you or whatever else, smile. You don't seem half as nobbish if you smile. Though, the exception to the rule would be if you're committing some kind of crime at the time. Then you're just asking for a one-way ticket to a mental institution.

- Say you're sorry. And actually mean it. There's nothing worse than having someone run into you and either not apologize or, worse, offer up one of those sarcastic `sor-ry's that makes you think they blame you for their stupidity.

- Profanity. I'm as big a fan of a well timed F-bomb as the next woman, but there's a time and a place for it, children.

- Hold the door for someone. Stand up instead of making them climb over you on public transport. Let them out of the elevator first. I don't care if you're a man or a woman and I don't care what the other person is - it's just a nice thing to do.

It doesn't seem to be all that hard to do, really. Yet some people seem to have such a hard time remembering their manners and actually using them.

At least when someone forgets to use their manners you have valid reason to call them a nob.

And, yes, I'm aware that my photoshop skills are rather lackluster!