Service With A Smile Part 2 - Who Do They Think They Are?

The boss will tell you that it's important to keep clients happy. They pay the wages, keep the business going, etc etc.

Without clients, you have no job.

Now, it's different for every business but, for the most part, everyone understands that word of mouth is a very important factor in getting repeat business or referrals from friends of friends.

Having said that, while it is important to keep in mind that the customer is "always right", some people have, in the past, left me with more urge to have root canal as opposed to speaking to them again.

No joke.

There are three clients in particular that I recall. Every now and then I'll go back to their files and read what I wrote about them. There's no particular purpose to this, other than serving to remind myself that I want to introduce each of them to a bit of 4x2 that I'm nicknaming Bob.

Much as I would love to tell you all about these three people, it'd be just my luck that they'd read this and be able to pick who I'm talking about. So, in the interest of protecting my current employment, I'll stick with a few handy things to remember before you contact Company X to make a complaint and give them a piece of your mind.

- Make sure you're talking to the right person before you start offering up any choice four letter words. Really. I've been spoken to by some of the most ignorant and rude people that never seem to understand that I can't - or, by this time, wont - help them. Are you going to yell at the check-out chick because that store doesn't sell your favorite item? No. Same applies everywhere else.

- If Company X has called you, either to admit that they've buggered something up or not, then remember, again, to make sure that you're speaking to the right person. It's called "Duck shoving", kids, and it happens everywhere. Just because I'm the poor sucker that had to call you doesn't mean I've done anything other than been at the bottom of Company X's food chain and, thus, been stuck talking to you. See above for the inappropriate yelling tip.

- Know what you're talking about. You want to be a nob on the phone? Fine, but at least have your facts straight. This point is particularly prevalent if you're paying Company X to perform a specialty service; it's very hard to argue with the experts if you don't know what you're on about.

- Don't make threats you can't back-up or follow through on. Chances are, if the situation is that bad and you end up with legal proceedings becoming the order of the day, Company X are going to have a whole legal team to smack you down. Last thing you need to have proven is that you weren't open to sorting the situation privately. What judge is going to feel sorry for the nob that did nothing but yell and make inappropriate threats? (Note, this does not include calling consumer affairs or the department of fair trading. They are both perfectly reasonable steps if necessary. But don't throw those words around unless you're ready to follow through.)

- Know who you're talking to now and who you've spoken to in the past from Company X. There's nothing worse than being the sucker who has to call Client A, only to have an exchange along the lines of;

Sucker: Client A? It's B calling from Company X.

Client A: About time you called me back! *insert topic related rant*

Sucker: Actually, you and I have never spoken before...

Yes, that's happened to me before. Many times.

The thing that people seem to forget is that the service they're paying for is what I do every day of my working life. My point? I keep records of everything. Most companies do. Chances are good that my records will beat Client A's memory hands down and no one wants to spend the first few minutes of a call arguing over whether or not you've actually spoken to this person before. It wastes time and, straight away, you're off on a bad foot.

- Don't keep calling repeatedly. If I've said I need to call Z person to find out about your issue, it means I actually have to call Z person. Sadly (For you), Z person is not always going to answer their phone immediately. If It takes a reasonable amount of time for me to find out what you want to know, then that's just the way the cookie crumbles and you need to suck it up and wait. Pestering me with phone calls every hour is only going to make me less inclined to help you.

- Be prepared to make an apology. Sincerely. As an employee of Company X, if I mess something up, I won't hesitate to offer an apology. I expect the same in return. One of my "worst three" clients and I had several days of calls before I was able to remove the pole from the uncomfortable place she'd stored it. Unfortunately, by that point she was too red-faced to apologize and, thus, will remain on my list of nobs.

- When price-shopping, don't yell at the person you speak to if you think their cost is too high. (Yeah, happens quite often.) Again, you're probably speaking to someone in a call centre. i.e. not someone that dictates what Company X's price is. Look at it this way; Caravan or four-storey mansion. Complete opposites. And, naturally, there's a difference in price. You get what you pay for, kids.

- Stay. On. Topic. I can't stress it enough. If you want to call me and make a complaint, fine. Let's pretend that I've done something to warrant it. I'll try and rectify the situation, but if you start throwing random things at me, I'm going to lose interest. Particularly with people who think they can offer me a sob story to get me to work faster. Sorry guys, all that does is make me want to trump you with my own sob story and this isn't a competition.

- Ask for a discount, by all means. But be prepared for the fact that, at some point, I'm going to draw the line and you either need to accept that or graciously walk away. It's called running a business and not throwing money down the toilet is a great way to do that.

- Keep in mind that the people you're dealing with are human, too, and deserve to be treated as such. Some things are out of our control and you may have to accept that as an answer.

- Don't make too many demands. Your business is usually only worth so much trouble before people will no longer be inclined to help you. Of course, I'm not talking about people asking for what they're paying for. I'm talking about the nobs that, for example, initiate contact via e-mail, supply a mobile number, but then yell at you for not calling them on a landline. Who wants to deal with that kind of drama?

You know the part I understand least about this whole situation, particularly in my business? There's a good chance that the nobs I deal with have nobs of their own to whine about.

If Client A treats you like the scum of society, why would you do the same to someone else?

Something to think about.