Handbags and Fag-hags

Every gay man should have one. Every straight woman should be one.

The latest cultural trend to thrust itself upon the streets of London is the ‘*****-hag’. The term has two meanings. One refers to the unsuspecting female celebrities caught on camera, chain smoking, but the most recent interpretation describes the relationship between a homosexual man and a straight woman.

Television shows such as Channel Four’s ‘Will and Grace’ has recently popularised the *****-hag phenomenon and dragged it into the 21st Century. Although not an entirely original concept, the term has expanded and taken on multiple meanings. These vary from; women who merely enjoy the company of ‘gay’ men. Those who fall in love with their gay best friend and some woman who try and covert their man into being straight. Fag-hags have even gone on to marry their gay best friend and enjoyed a long and successful relationship.

Before the development of woman’s rights and civil liberties, single females were often married off by their fathers and lived in the shadow of their husbands. The rise of feminism and equal rights has changed this scenario and women are no longer just seen as mothers and homemakers. Similarly, homosexuality was also socially unacceptable and for many years men have been forced to keep their sexual preferences secret.

A large proportion of women feel disillusioned with relationships with straight men and the way they are treated. It is hardly surprising that women are turning to gay men for the support and understanding, which they perhaps do not receive at home.

Women are emotional creatures with highly developed instincts, characteristics and urges. It is these characteristics that gay men seem to be able to understand.

How many of you women have experiences the following scenario?;

You arrive home from a long, exhausting day at work. Your day was fantastic and you have some good news to tell your partner and can’t wait to share this with him. Brimming with energy and uncontrollable joy, you sashay through the front door, beaming proudly as you announce your arrival. In a desperate bid to prize your husband or boyfriend away from his beloved newspaper, football or cricket match you blurt out your amazing news and wait for the adoration and gratification to be heaped upon you. Only problem is, this doesn’t happen. In return for your enthusiasm and ecstatic behaviour, you are greeted with a short, quietly spoken reply, “that’s great” leaving you feeling invisible and deflated.

In reverse you instead inform your gay best friend of this news and in complete contrast to the ‘caveman’ you told previously, your gay friend can barely contain his excitement. Praise is forthcoming and an interest in the ins and outs of the whole story is rewarded with enthusiasm.

One person who certainly identifies with this is Emma Bradford, a 33 year old teacher, from Dulwich and her gay best friend Phil Rigley, also a teacher from Dulwich. Emma remembers several occasions of this happening with her husband and say, “I love being a *****-hag. I’ve been one for a while now with being married and having a gay best friend, I get the best of both worlds. Phil is great listener. We go shopping together, he supports and understands me.”

Of Emma, Phil says, “its great having a *****-hag. We get on really well and are not threatened by one another. For me it’s the perfect friendship”. Together they go to straight and gay bars within London and Phil said, “people in gay bars are so much friendlier and open. They love it that I have a ***** hag”.

For many this next revelation may come as a shock. According to a book entitled, ‘Straight Women and Gay Men’-by John Malone, it states that 20% of gay men have been married at least once and some have even gone on to marry their ***** hags. One man who has done this is 41 year old, nightclub owner, Nicky Valan who confessed “I married my *****-hag. At the time is seemed like the most natural thing to do. We get on so well. We have different sexual partners, but it works for us”.

Apart from perhaps the emotional side of *****-hag relationships come the social advantages.

Friday and Saturday nights at the G-A-Y Bar, Old Compton Road is teaming with men who prefer men, indulging in quiet conversation or dancing away to ‘cheesy’ Kylie and Madonna numbers. Strutting proudly her feminine ‘*****-hag’ charms, wowing the gay fraternity with her sensual dance moves is Michelle Waterford. Michelle, 21, a student from Islington who loves and thrives on her *****-hag endorsement and lifestyle. “Gay men are so friendly and well mannered. Straight guys can be so rude, arrogant and pretty rough”.

Fellow *****-hag Mirjana Stanic, a 25 year old student from Serbia-Montenegro also has much praise for her best friend and states, “I don’t mind being called a *****-hag. When other gay men know I’m one they always ask me to be theirs as well”.

Another frequent participant and connoisseur of London’s ‘gay scene is barrister Toby Ramish from Putney and like many is not a fan of *****-hags and their existence. “I loathe them and those stupid enough to want to have one as a trophy. I don’t see the point.

What ever people make of ‘*****and their hags’ it is a trend which is on the up in London. The general consensus is that gay men love having one on their arm and straight women take pleasure from having a gay man to hang out with. Ultimately they enjoy each others company, and are causing no harm to anyone. In a city which thrives on innovation, individuality and new fashions it is hardly surprising this term is widely used and recognised.