Music Sharing under Threat as ISPs make Internet Surveillance Deal with Music Industry Fat Cats

Ok, Fat Cats might be a little vindictive, but this latest attempt against the internet music revolution by that oh so insatiably wealthy glut of record labels hardly characterises them as the giving type. According to the BBC, six of the UK’s biggest net providers have signed an agreement with the music industry that will see ‘persistent’ internet file sharers monitored, reordered, and even have their broadband systems forcibly slowed down. BT, Virgin, Orange, Tiscali, BSkyB and Carphone Warehouse have all signed up to the a ‘Memorandum of Understanding’ drawn up by the Department for Business, Enterprise & Regulatory Reform (BERR) which may see hundreds of thousands of internet users soon receiving letters accusing them of illegal file sharing. The document also proposed that the most active file sharers should be subjected to technical measures, such as "traffic management or filtering and marking of legitimate content to facilitate identification."

"All of the major ISPs in the UK now recognise they have a responsibility to deal with illegal file-sharers on their networks." Said chief executive Geoff Taylor rather presumptively to the BBC. The ISPs have only come to this logical conclusion, however, after what Mr. Taylor described as years of being persuaded. Until this unusual and quite sudden change of opinion, most internet service providers had taken the seemingly wildly unreasonable stance that they were not, in fact, policemen, and had little responsibility at all as concerned the corporate shortcomings and short-sighted failures of giant record labels. "File-sharing is not anonymous,” stated Mr. Taylor, perhaps wiping a globule of gelatinous caviar from his shiny chin, “it is not secret, it is against the law."

Indeed. We should, in fact, be thankful that The United Kingdom’s ISPs have made the wise decision to concentrate their resources in the monitoring and control of areas of the web that matter the most. As everyone knows (by virtue of the music industries’ gracious and persistent public education on the matter), human trafficking, child *****, international crime syndicates, terrorist organisations, and mass suicide pacts are nothing to compare with Johnny, the spotted twelve year-old, downloading a whole Def Leopard track – without even paying. But pith, I simplify, there are of course hundreds, nay thousands of little Johnny’s out there, and together, they form an unstoppable monster, the red-eyed spectre of music sharing. And as is only fair, the mob must be crushed. Pulverised. Annihilated. Why? Well, Johnny, because its wrong! And ‘wrongist’ of all, that Def Leopard Track used to come on an album at the perfectly reasonable price of 30 pounds, and considering this slightly exorbitant is just morally defunct. Think of it, the very word – sharing –  it casts fear into the heart of every law abiding citizen of the western world. Of course we know it’s wrong, the only question is, how can we get back to paying extortionate amounts of money for music that is regulated, distributed and promoted at the petulant will of financially ruthless businessmen? It’s a tricky one all right…

Thankfully, vast amounts of money can do anything, and luckily, consumers have given what can only be described as an absolutely mammoth amount of money to the music industry, so they’re all right on that front. Practically buying the internet was simply the only reasonable step they could have taken, and now that they have the right to watch exactly what we do on the web and how often we do it, they can all the more easily track us down and adjust our broadband speed accordingly. Luckily, also, the music industries have little or no qualms about what privacy boundaries they breach in order to forcibly squeeze every last drop of money out of their customers: "There should be effective mechanisms in place (to deter file-sharing) and as long as they are effective, we don't mind what they are." Bellowed Mr. Taylor, perhaps in a gravely sinister tone, perhaps roaring in diaboolic laughter. One can only hope that ear cropping or public executions prove less effective than they have in the past.

Give praise for justice boys and girls. The most persistent pirates, having been tracked down like sex offenders on the run in leafy suburbia, have already been sent letters by the net firms Virgin and BT. Once again, we’re in safe hands, and hopefully we’ll be back to paying ridiculous amounts of money for appalling music as soon as the producers of Pop Idol have time to pick it out for us. That is, of course, if we haven’t been bankrupted due to legal charges of music sharing…

All quotes courtesy of www.bbc.co.uk/