The great low carb beer calorie debate

Beer bellies are a genuine aesthetic concern for many people. There's nothing flattering about a belly jelly wobble which clearly states, `I am a beer pig, hear me roar.' The recent induction of low carb beer, coolers and mixed drinks has been welcomed the world over.

Michelob Ultra burst onto the scene as the first ever low carb beer back in 02. The marketing of beer as healthy conjures up images of healthy weight loss. Sales went up 476% and it wasn't long before other brands hopped on the low carb beer bandwagon. I was chuffed and thus began the beginning of an illustrious love affair with a tall, tanned, aromatic, full strength blonde called… Pure Blonde. Brewed by Carlton United Breweries.

When I recently heard low carb beers have more calories, for a moment I was the saddest girl to hold a beer. I was shammed, I had been lied to. The big beer companies marketing strategy had foiled my plan to keep my beer gut to a minimum. And there I was, boutique beer in hand, left to search for answers at the bottom of the bottle. How can I possibly keep my beer gut off whilst spoiling my palette with booze? Is this really the end of the road for myself and Blonde? We'd had so many good times together. Given that she's more expensive than regular beers I'll have no qualms with dumping her like a hot cake,. She's good, but not that good.

Where to from here? Food tastes so much better with booze, it's a fact! Exercise is so arbitrary, it's not for me. A fool might suggest ceasing to drink alcohol. This is absurd and I see no reason to further investigate that notion.

No, I had to investigate and hopefully debunk, the low carb beer more calories myth.

A quick google found that…

Heineken has 166 calories and 9.8 grams of carbs

Budweiser has 143 calories and 10.6 grams of carbs

Miller Genuine Draft has 143 calories and 13.1 grams of carbs

Pure Blonde has 105 calories and 3.1 grams of carbs

On average, regular beers contain 145 calories and 11 grams of carbs per standard drink.

Low carb beers vary between 95 and 110 calories 2.6 and 6.6 grams of carbs per standard drink.

Low carb beers are generally lower in alcohol percentage so in essence, you get less bang for your buck, but less belly. Depending on how intoxicated one desires to become, you may add to the belly simply by having to drink more to reach your desired intoxicity. Personally, I chose to ignore this minor detail. Pure Blonde ways in at 4.6%, she'll do!

Soooo, low carb beers have lower carbs AND lower calories. I win! After a week apart, Blonde and I have been reunited and all is going well. Should CUB decide to brew a dark ale called Brunette we may go for a little three-way action, but until then it's just the two of us.

Also worth noting… It takes 30 minutes of walking to burn off calories from a regular beer, a low carb beer around 20 minutes. Given that my fave local is a 20 minute walk away, I am able to burn off an entire beer simply by stumbling home at 2 in the morning. I win again.

So the next time you're standing there minding your own business, low carb beer in hand and someone dares to suggest you've been fooled because it's full of calories, simply do a 180, gently pull down the top of your pants, bend over slightly and give em' what for… You will NOT destroy my dreams…