Gwyneth's not all-white on the night

Okay, I know I “critiqued” Gwyn’s “sheer monstrousity” a couple of weeks ago, and am at risk of sounding like a broken record – but she seriously needs to sack her stylist now. Of all the dresses in all the world, why on earth did Gwyneth Paltrow choose to wear this ill-fitting, unflattering number at the launch of the Fontainbleau Miami Beach resort last night?

The Oscar-winning actress has gone for a rockier, edgier look of late but this frightful frock simply highlighted the fact she had left home without her push-up bra and looked in danger of slipping down completely at any given point.

The strange origami-like pleating of the fabric around her middle was less than complimentary and looked rather nappy-like, which is never a good look for any grown adult in my book.

Gwyn has got great pins, which the high hemline showed off a treat, but the chunky black Ferrgamo platforms didn’t do her any favours and were at odds with the paleness of her pallor and the whiteness of the dress.

The odd light Vs dark theme seemed only to be refelected in Gwyneth’s horror hair, styled in a severed centre parting which just displayed the fact that her roots are in desperate need of touching-up.

Still, inside the event good old Gwyn was spotted laughing and joking with Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez, perhaps they were talking about their mutual friend Madge?